The sun sets everyday and the view from where we are allows us to see it differently just like when someone loses a loved one and they experience it differently.
I’d been taught that if I worked hard enough for anything, I could achieve it. I struggled with the notion that I could work myself into the ground, but not inch myself a step closer to my goal of having my Timothy back.
In current life, I look to spend time with people I can be myself with. New friendships or friendships that bordered on the outer circle of friends is very much a struggle, and unless I feel instant warmth from someone, I admit to holding them at arms length to avoid letting them into my bubble.
Unexpectedly, I wanted people to know what had happened to me, so it would excuse my quietness at times. The biggest security blanket I have is for people to not expect too much of me.
Now, I find myself not wanting to share much at all. I has been 1 year and 5 months and more and more I hear things like: It is time to move on, don't be sad, don't be angry, see a Dr/Therapist, put yourself out there, live life and be happy. Well, I hate to disappoint, but I can not at this time live up to those expectations. It is easier to keep to myself to avoid the disappoints all around.
REMINDER: Be patient and remember there is not a timeline for grief. Tomorrow the sun will rise and set again and I have the opportunity to experience it differently.
